Options
I should have known better than to ask for comments - that's never a good idea. But I thought: people read this, surely they will want to comment if I ask them. Especially if I go a step further and say that this will make me feel loved. Instead I got none. Which means that no one reads my blog or that the people who do read my blog do not love me. There are no other options. If a person thought there were more options, unlike myself, that person could say, "Maybe you did not give them enough time to respond." Hardly. Or, "Maybe, just maybe, they hate you." Even 'other-option-guy' is on my side.
I am left no other option but to buy a bit of rope and a book of knots. The rest will leave me dangling 3 ft from the floor unto oblivion. Of course every new phase of life, even a phase to end life, begins with a purchase. If anyone read my blog, which I am forced to think no one does because no commented on the one blog I specifically asked them to, they could refer back to this post and see my lucid proof of the matter.
I needed a bit of rope. I went the hardware store.
This particular hardware store did not have a book of knots, but I was sure I could make a sufficient knot on my own, even if I could not garner a single comment on my own. I thought of naming the knot I'd make, how I'd get a lot of attention and get the knot named after me. I thought other things too. Of the chair gently tipping and my body's quick silent plummet.
Unlike most people, like the people who do or do not read this, the cashier was most interested in my life. But 60 year old men often make chit chat. I wasn't about to let some short, cheery old man turn my death wish around.
"What's the rope for, Little Prince?"
"How nice of you to ask," I said, "this bit of rope is for me to kill my self with this."
I believe the lighting caused me to stammer. "Oh no. But why has your life been of so little attention to cause you to do this thing?" They really should change the lights, possibly go to an energy-saver.
"Well, it may seem silly to you," I condescended to the cashier, "but I asked people to comment on my blog and no did it this thing."
This next part changed it all.
"But I planned on commenting, Little Prince. I was thinking of a good thing to say." I was taken back.
"You - read my blog?"
"Oh yes! Me and my wife read it out louds."
"That's weird," I said. "I thought it'd be..."
"Different?" He knew what I was going to say before I said it!
"Wait, how did you know I was going to say that?" He was smiling now, actually blushing.
"Aw shucks", and he reached for his neck.
"Are you ok?" I asked. "Bad scratch?" But he wasn't scratching. He was taking off his mask!
And I thought I had seen it all, I said to myself. And slapped my little knee. Threw out my back.
As the mask was coming off I started thinking of people it could be. Of the people I thought of not one was my wife. But here she was, making me eat shit!
We ended up having sex right there in the middle of the store, which was really a set. No wonder they didn't have a book of knots, I thought.
After it was over and we had brushed the sawdust off each other's back, I grabbed the rope and ran out the door. "A blog is a blog, " I said. To no one in particular. I headed for Turtle's Creek. Found a big gully. Tied that rope on a sturdy branch and swung out into the luminous night.
I am left no other option but to buy a bit of rope and a book of knots. The rest will leave me dangling 3 ft from the floor unto oblivion. Of course every new phase of life, even a phase to end life, begins with a purchase. If anyone read my blog, which I am forced to think no one does because no commented on the one blog I specifically asked them to, they could refer back to this post and see my lucid proof of the matter.
I needed a bit of rope. I went the hardware store.
This particular hardware store did not have a book of knots, but I was sure I could make a sufficient knot on my own, even if I could not garner a single comment on my own. I thought of naming the knot I'd make, how I'd get a lot of attention and get the knot named after me. I thought other things too. Of the chair gently tipping and my body's quick silent plummet.
Unlike most people, like the people who do or do not read this, the cashier was most interested in my life. But 60 year old men often make chit chat. I wasn't about to let some short, cheery old man turn my death wish around.
"What's the rope for, Little Prince?"
"How nice of you to ask," I said, "this bit of rope is for me to kill my self with this."
I believe the lighting caused me to stammer. "Oh no. But why has your life been of so little attention to cause you to do this thing?" They really should change the lights, possibly go to an energy-saver.
"Well, it may seem silly to you," I condescended to the cashier, "but I asked people to comment on my blog and no did it this thing."
This next part changed it all.
"But I planned on commenting, Little Prince. I was thinking of a good thing to say." I was taken back.
"You - read my blog?"
"Oh yes! Me and my wife read it out louds."
"That's weird," I said. "I thought it'd be..."
"Different?" He knew what I was going to say before I said it!
"Wait, how did you know I was going to say that?" He was smiling now, actually blushing.
"Aw shucks", and he reached for his neck.
"Are you ok?" I asked. "Bad scratch?" But he wasn't scratching. He was taking off his mask!
And I thought I had seen it all, I said to myself. And slapped my little knee. Threw out my back.
As the mask was coming off I started thinking of people it could be. Of the people I thought of not one was my wife. But here she was, making me eat shit!
We ended up having sex right there in the middle of the store, which was really a set. No wonder they didn't have a book of knots, I thought.
After it was over and we had brushed the sawdust off each other's back, I grabbed the rope and ran out the door. "A blog is a blog, " I said. To no one in particular. I headed for Turtle's Creek. Found a big gully. Tied that rope on a sturdy branch and swung out into the luminous night.
posted by Rosemeyer at 3:29 PM
