latent ocd

Here again. So far I have done a lot of writing. Not journaling. I've been compiling all the books and authors I want to read into one notebook, a small green one. To do this I first transferred all of the books and authors from my other little notebooks into this new one. Then I checked the Laureate list and the Pulitizer list. I also started jotting down words I do not know. Thank you dictionary.com. These are on going projects of mine. I was just getting organized.

I love being organized. I don't know how my manager at CVS does it. I'll clean the office one day and the next day it's trashed, by her. So much clutter paralyzes me, to where I not only cannot think straight, I can't even function. But I fear that this love of organization is setting into motion latent ocd habits. Though I don't wash my hands a lot. Something about having a notebook for books I want to read or having a top dresser drawer completely organized, or, for that matter, the top of my dresser clutter free, is so refreshing. I see it, and I'm happy. I see clutter and I'm not happy. It's quite simple.

Halloween ideas: i) Wear whatever I want and say I'm a jerk, because that's funny. Add a mustache and it's even better. ii) Dress really hip and go as a hipster. But it's a little pretentious to know you are hip, even for one day, but honest - everyone know what hip is - and funny, at least to me. iii) Cover myself in blood and say I'm a tampon. Wow. Definitely not. iv) Mad scientist. v) Hop on one leg and say I'm Gareth, but I'd have to wear a suit and I don't want to. Plus say things Gareth said, and that would annoy me.

Now you know.

Two deaths here at Family House. Someone's daughter and someone's wife. I don't know if people are remarkably resilient or if they are masking the pain and sorrow; and if they are, are they hiding it in order to go on and live, and why?, or are they just desensitized and numb? Like most things, it's probably all of the above. People amaze me. How can they cope with so much death and loss? There must be some beauty in the world, enough to give them hope. In fact, I've seen it. But not today, today is ugly.