I had inventory today. The DM, Dirty Mustache, caught me with my pants down. I didn't think he'd walk in on me while I was going to the bathroom. He didn't know the bathroom was the middle of the store, near aisle 13. I felt bad pooping on that old man's head too, but he shouldn't have been in the store on off hours.

Ok, you caught me - I'm lying. I would never poop on an old man's head. That's gross. But I did lose my job. I'm working for The Weekend now, a 7th Day Adventist's newspaper about clip art and pseudonyms. It's really enjoyable. I haven't started yet but an old man who works there told me. He's always getting shit faced, this old man.

You probably pretended to shoot your brains all over the monitor about 5 times by now.

Here's the truth: Inventory went incredibly well. Zounds!