By a show of hands (comments) who would call the above picture "Scrambled Tofu"? And I know you guys are crazy with comments - so crazy that when I take them away you ask for them back and yet now that they're back I've received no comments. But I guess you're all too busy doing drugs and getting laid in your parents Buicks to do a simple key stroke. Anyway, the Square Cafe claims to have a "Tofu Scramle" and yet they serve chunks of Tofu. If I made you scrambled eggs the eggs wouldn't be hard broiled chunks mixed with greens. I wrote the owner an email. I'll post it below id est because I know no limits. The title was "Suggestion".

Hi,

My wife and I just ate at the Square Cafe this morning. The food was not bad, good I mean, but we had a problem with the presentation. (If that's the right word?) We love Scrambled Tofu and so checked the on-line menu before venturing out. Our only other option is the Quiet Storm, where the service is terrible, or the Food Co-op (on Sundays only and where, as with all of their hot foods, there is an overabundance of ingredients) and Zenith - but I think only on Sundays as well. Needless to say we were thrilled to see you had Scrambled Tofu. My question to you is this: would you call chunks of hard broiled eggs mixed with green and red peppers scrambled eggs? Of course not. But that is what you have done with the Scrambled Tofu. It's not a bad meal, but it's not scrambled Tofu either. Maybe "Tofu stir fry" would be a more apt description. I know you could do a great scrambled Tofu dish, but as is, you have not and therefore should not have such a title on the menu.

Please understand this is just a suggestion to better your already wonderful restaurant.

best,
Jason

The owner probably hates my guts by now. I have the day off. Again I looked to a fail-safe resource and found even more handy tips.

On a day of sweet release such as a Sabbath or daie offe feel free to press your friends for coitus. If such an encumbrance be granted, with both sides of equal understanding as to the tight-lipped (opposite of pun intended!) nature of said tryst, the reward is of an obvious benefit. My only suggestion, humble of course, is that you find out first the nature and timing of his or her crowning point. Let this be your aim, and - please dear sweet bosom friend - tell your fornication help mate your own individual point of dying. If sex in the classic Kamasutratic sense is not possible due to overt Catholic upbringing yielding regret and guilt please attempt a reconciliation (pun intended!) yielding paw jobs. After all: a day of sweet release, even in the laissez-faire sense of daie offe, should, in fact, always include an orgasme in the biblical sense. In the words of our esteemed colleague Lorenzo the Magnificent: "Always to invade, always to surrender, always to die and be-come ."

But...I got nervous and took a nap.