St Edmund's Academy

That's right, she was FRAMED!

Color Tunnel

Dizzy Gillespie

Em was sick yesterday, so was I, and so was my manager. Only I had to work 11+ hours and those other two didn't. But I wasn't nearly as sick as either of them so I forgive them, especially Emily, who has nothing to do with me working 11+ hours. I wore pleated pants, which I bought on Tuesday and which I am returning to day - what was I thinking? What is the point of pleated pants? I also bought five shirts, five of which I am returning. Here's the thing about clothes - they look great in the dressing room, because you haven't washed them yet. Once you wash them, they shrink or get longer or wider. WTF? LOL. TTYL.

When my heart bled at 5am or earlier.

A truck driver, not a drunk driver, (or trunk driver, for that matter), took to calling me "Little Buddy" on Friday. I took to feeling uncomfortable. My manager took to telling my co-workers, I took to telling Ryan - for some reason - and he took to saying on the intercom, "Little Buddy to the front." But back to Friday. "Hey there Little Buddy." Hey, a little stunned, not sure if I heard him right. "You want the totes first Little Buddy?" I stare at him. What is your intent? I ask. "Hey now Little Buddy, I'm just trying to work my life away." And break my heart with your sobriquet? I quivered. "Oh dear Litte Buddy, my little baby, I didn't mean to damage your sober key." I shake my head, still looking down. "Well chin up, little birdy. I just want to make you laugh your day away. Brighten your life." You've torn my heart, I whimpered. "What's that, you Little Kid Baby Boy?" My heart is broke for this! I am wasted on your dagger-words! I thought. No, let's start with the boxes first, I say, looking up. "Oh, my little Lucas!" he cries.

Ok, not all of that is true. Here is the whole truth. It's 4:30 am. I am barely awake, which is a truism at this heart-breaking hour. I hate things, things I usually do not think about, like the back bumper of the truck, the wooden fence that surrounds our cardboard dumpster - things like that. I am about to hate the Johnny Takes-His-Time truck driver when he comes waddling from the front towards me. "It's a beautiful day in paradise, Little Buddy!" I could not agree any less. He speaks in a Southern falsetto, which instinctively makes me want to laugh. You smack! I say, smiling. And I smack his smack.

Another lie. Damn it. Ok. This is the whole truth. Truck is over. I am glad it is over (another truism). The driver is just about to leave when he offers me his track. (A side note about the 'track' that drivers use. First of all, so you know, track is a conveyor belt made of metal rollers that transports stuff from one place to another place with ease and swiftness and a sort-of 'swooshing' sound. MARVEL! Another thing about track - your typical driver is overly protective of it. Truck drivers, to their chagrin, I'm sure, are known to receive shiny new track as part or the sum of their bonus. That and long grueling back-breaking days! God love 'em.)
No, thanks, I say. I couldn't do that to him; maybe he's new and he doesn't know. "No, take it, Little Buddy - I don't give a shit." He says "I don't give a shit" with such I-don't-give-a-shitness that its almost a pantomime. He reeks of "I don't give a shit," his raison d'etre. Really? You don't care? "I don't give a shit. I'm about to throw 'em in the fuckin garbage. Maybe they'll give me some new ones." Ok, well, I guess I'll take this one. "Take 'em all. I don't give a shit." As I grab the track his hand touches mine. What are you doing Little buddy? I ask. "My name's Richard," he says. Okey-dokey, I say. And we crescendo-laughed about the life we led that morning.

Fridays are lies.

ADDENDUM! ATTENTION! ACHTUNG!

In my most recent post, I mistakenly said that Emily was bowling in bed. In case you were not aware, I was referring to a game on her phone. The problem is, she was not bowling. She was lying in bed, yes I know. But on her phone she was playing another game. See, phones have games. I think they are usually listed under 'applications', or 'fun', or simply 'games'. It is a special feature. Mostly phones are just used for phone calls, to your friends or family. People can even pay their bills now. That's called an advancement. Or advancemeunt in France languages. You could also use your phone to call in an order, be it for clothing or food - like delicious pizza.
To get back to the point at hand, Emily was not bowling on her phone. Which is a Samsung Trace, I believe. I'm not sure why it is called a Trace. I would have called it Skinny. Samsung Skinny. Samskung Sinny. Skunk City.
The game she was actually playng, and I don't mean she was pretending, as in 'playing around'. She was actually playing this game. And it broke my little heart. I wanted to her to have sex all over me and here she's playing this game on her skunky. I'm not sure if you know what I mean when I say I wanted her to have sex all over me. What I mean is that I want to be funny. For you to laugh. At my joke.
But it wasn't bowling. As in the game where there are 20,000 leagues of pins at the end of a dark corral alley. And you have to ride your horse through the thicket, striking down the pin creatures, sparing your life, and eating hot dogs, wearing certain moccassins.

No this game she was playing was pool. As in pocket billiards. Not a lot of phones have this game. At least that's what I have understood to be the truth.

The library in its infancy.

Bowling. In Bed!

At any point I wil scratch you.

Megan's Birthday.

MORE?! (ok)

Would you pose with me for a photo? No? Even if I posed as Jamie Bell? I see some hesitation. How about I pose as Jamie Bell, but don't comb my hair? Yes!

Heh. Yep, just being Jamie Bell. Fuckin' Bally. Am I hurting your shoulder?

Oh.

Watched a movie with her in it. My aparment smells like asparagus piss and yet no one has ate any. Explain that Tanner! You little sass.

I paid off my library fines and gave them a thirty dollar tip. Now I am an Organ Donor for the Library. If someone like Tessa dies, she gets my organ. But with this program, if she happens to lose her livelihood, as in church-music-is-played-on-this, then I have to find it for her. Sleuth work basically. And also a play on words. Get used to it. Not used by it. I have a t-shirt that says that. No I don't.