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Library smut, as it were.

Harry's Potter and Deadly Halos

While I am not a huge fan like some people, I'm certainly a bigger fan than others. But when I saw the new Harry Potter book sitting behind the counter at work this morning, I just could not resist. And being not such a huge fan (I have not read any of the books), I decided to skim through and pick out the highlights. Here they are in exact order of importance.

On page 237 Voldemort and Harry play basketball...FOR KEEPS!
On 692, Lord Hermione wins the Golden snitch in Quidditch part 2, directed by Emilio Cedric.
On 2, Ron kisses Malfoy's brother's sister: Lord Dumbledore.
On 333, Harry says 'titsvoldemort' to his step-father.
On 332, Dumbledore teaches Harry a new phrase.
On 101, Snape enters Harry's mind and smells his hair as a baby.
On 211, Harry is told by the fire that his real father is Mr Potter, from "It's a Wonderful Life" and that his real mother was sold in exchange for the Bailey Building and Loan Association.
On 45, Hermione loves Ron.
On 1,004,670, Harry falls asleep at the wheel and almost wrecks into Voldemort's car but misses and ends up in the Deathly Hallows for the rest of his life.
On 46, Ron kisses Hermione as a baby when he does a spell that makes fantasy reality at Hogwarts.
On 700, Lord Snape laughs at Lord Dumbledore, wholeheartedly, in exchange for his truth serum, which Dumbledore stole.
And, lastly, although I could go on and on, on the last page (1,004,671) Harry kills himself while writing a song about Lord Voldemort entitled, "To My Real Godfather, not"; Ron usurpes his death wish, as he has become Lord and owner of the Deathly Hallows, with Hermione as his baby.

I'm using a new deodorant. It has no scent. It's unscented. It can last up to two years. I have to wet it or my underarm before applying. The deodorant is manufactured in Thailand. It makes me bleed. Not my underarm. Elsewhere. I'm in love.

Enjoying the day. My first day off after working 9 straight days of a.m. shifts. All of which, with few exceptions, ranged from 9 to 11 hours. So don't ask me why I'm always so tired. Attempting to watch Vertigo, but I can't get into it. I tried two nights ago and failed, now I'm trying this morning, but its just not interesting right now. You know what is? Food. I want something akin to the Quiet Storm's Home Fries. Em and I have made our own and they were incredible. Scrambled Tofu is really good, you should try it.
I recently read that Tofu is an animal though, a marsupial mammal arachnid of some sort. The way farmers kill Tofu is raise it with a knife: force it from birth to sleep with the knife, eat with the knife, play, graze, laugh - all with the knife close by. Then when the Tofu is just about to mate you slice their throat real slow and painful like. But I love Tofu so I could give a shit.

Another thing I could give a shit about is the fact that it is raining today. I have no plans. I could go out, I could stay in. No plans.

Here's a funny story though. I went for a teeth cleaning on Monday for the first time in 5 years. I was pretty nervous about it, but it went well. They said my teeth were in excellent shape. I bowed to them from my seat and hit my head on the light - not really. I looked the other way and said "Hmm." Not really. I said, really fast without pause, "Ihavegreatteethokthankstoyouforsayingthisbuttellmethiswhatcanidotoflosseveryday?" Seriously, I was sitting there waiting for Cheppa to come in, he's my dentist, and he's been my dentist for my entire life, my mom used to work for him, he came to my graduation party and wedding - I think. Anyway, I'm sitting there and in he comes: "So how do you like working at CVS?" I turn to look at him and what do I see? A guy in Elvis scrubs, that's a mosaic of different Elvis pictures on a scrub top - Kim has one of Eeyore - and he has tinsel around his neck; he's wearing a tall, pointy hat with writing I can't make out from my low view, with tinsel at the base. So I ask, after some small talk, "What's the occasion?" And then I remember my mom telling me, "Monday is Cheppa's birthday, make sure to wish him a good one." But seriously, who does this?

And that's why...I love my dentist. He also fixed my chipped tooth, which I know all of you have noticed and have wondered when I was going to get that fixed. Well I did you ungrateful friends. Ungrateful because you don't thank god for teeth everyday. Friends because i love you.

I go see Harry Potter today with self then guess. Sorry Tanner was trying to say something so I punched him in the face!

Use Fandan go see Potts. Shut up Tan!

How am I not myself?

My car failed the emissions test. For those of you who do not know, when your car fails the emissions test you can do one of three things. Here they are in specific order: i) leave your car with the mechanic, which explains the large number of cars in every mechanic's garage; ii) qualify for a waiver, which costs $75; or iii) get a fake inspection sticker, which could cost you over a million dollars. I decided I'd at least look into the third option. I searched Wikipedia, but the results were belittling. I decided to go to Deer Park, where bottled water is made. I found the answer under the moon light.

The truth of the matter is I'm drinking Deer Park water right now and my car failed the emissions test. I took the 2nd option.

I've been eating many veggie burgers, listening to a lot of Peter Bjorn and John and reading Joseph Mitchell's "Old Mr Flood". Also reading Sherman Alexie's "First Indian on the Moon" and am close to finishing Saroyan's "The Daring Young Man on the Flying Trapeze". I have been lifting, I have been taking the bus to work, I have been wanting to draw and paint. I have been wanting to run. I have been wanting to tell the world the truth. About Jesus. (Christ) I have been wanting to live in a flat place, but not outside of Pittsburgh. Which is not the easiest. I have been sleepy. I have not been sleepier. Which is depressing. I have been dreaming of Independence Day and the annual joy it yields in my heart of hearts. I have been sexy. I have been resting my weary ankles on a cream ottoman. I have not been myself. I have never been myself. I have wanted to be myself. I have to be myself.

Because it's more fulfilling and true.

If there's a god or a God or a GAWD!, please wake my weary bones. Take away the cream ottoman of my soul!