That's right.

Here's how I did it. I drove around for hours trying to find the perfect sandwhich. I didn't find it. While I was driving I got an idea. I can make an expanding potion and inject it into the walls of the laundry shoot. I've heard this potion works from a good source. Put since I didn't find the perfect sandwhich I wasn't about to make any expanding potions. I got the idea though that maybe I'd be ok with Quiznos, or even Subway. Then I ran out of gas and it hit me: I could jump down the laundry shoot and kick on the clothes all day. With my little feet. Of course that didn't work because I was hungry. What ended up working was I beat down the brick walls for you baby, beat down the brick walls.

Am I capable of telling the truth? Honestly, I found two long pliable pieces of metal downstairs. They were just there, probably for the same reason I needed them. I attached a 10 lb and a 13 lb weight to the end, after shoving it the whole way up, and then let go. Well the tawny cord snapped, I got pissed, and started slamming the long metal thing down the shoot. And my insanity got the better of the damned, I mean jammed, clothes.

On a side note, I am not a nice person and I need to change. Somebody put me in my place; and I mean that someone has and also as a command - for further incidences of my vile proclivities. I don't want one goddamn comment about me being nice. I will delete them. Refer to the title, buddy. Yeah.

left work early. stomach. ulcer? called Dr. Dr. Pepper. Waiting for call back. Need a gastroentomologisticalpsychosomaticalisticalhermeneuticsi'mgoingtokeepgoing,goingoffthepagesothaticantellyouasecretaboutmyselfbutnowthati'vesaiditidontwanttoanymoresoimsorryisaidanythingaboutitjustforgetitok? specialist. I'm watching it.

Watched two incredible movies last night: Magnolia and American Movie . I have been sick for the past three days. My stomach just doesn't feel right. I am probably dying.

I have today off. And I have no plans. Say the last part with a southern accent because it's from a movie; I think O, Brother Where Art Thou? I don't know.

I want to punch my stomach until I knock it out the other side. Maybe I can regenerate a new one.

I got sick last night. I feel a little better today. I watched Marathon Man and am now watching The Cable Guy. I never saw all of the former and really enjoyed it. Now I know why my dentist said "Is it safe?" I never got his joke but laughed anyway.
Did you know that Ben Stiller was the director of The Cable Guy? And I don't care what you say, it's a good movie.

By the way, Happy Birthday Joel! Let's do something tonight for Joel involving fun and good. But if it involves going out to some awkward bar type setting, I probably will not go. And, honestly, neither should you Joel.

Emily is asking me, quite annoyed, why I am not watching the movie. bye.

Name the Story Behind this Endcap! (cue game show tune, applause track)

i) Tussy Deodorant Tub
ii)Gift Cards
iii)Swiffer Wet Jet
iv) Jet magazine
v)Boudreaux's Butt Paste

help computer

Don't believe the third paragraph's lies

I am mostly excited about this. Is anyone else? I was so excited that I watched Donnie Darko this morning, well most of it. Somewhere I feel Em rolling her eyes at me. I don't need to finish a movie that I've already seen. But about this Southland Tales thing. Why is The Rock in it? And John Laroquette? And Sarah Michelle Gellar, and Amy Poehler, and Cheri Oteri. Teresa has a huge crush on Laroquette, did you know this?

Megan came home this morning unexpected and here's what actually, truthfully happened. I was naked and she was like, "You are clothed." And I said, with a pillow acting as a fig leaf, "No, I'm naked, please avert your eyes." She said, "No. You're naked." Then I got a headache and passed out. I woke up with egg on my face and a note that said, "Put on a frock you Jock." I won't tell you what the note was stuck to.

Ok, so here's what really happened. I was laying there in my briefs when I heard the door being unlocked. I ran into my room, put on shorts and came out to greet her as if nothing happened. Donnie Darko was on pause while I was in my room, ok?

A new game I came up with called name the story behind this endcap.

My manager is on vacation next week, which means I work 6 days. I also have to deal with all of these boxes we got on our truck from this store that closed in West Mifflin. Boxes of crap, I'm sure. It's going to be my hell week.

My manager had a meeting yesterday and met our new Regional Manager. Apparently he wants endcaps that tell a story. I was thinking of some good ones. An endcap with kleenex, a few books on the effects of Alcohol and some on drunk driving. Maybe a few Lifetime type movies. This endcap's story: my kid just got hit and killed by a drunk driver.

Another, you ask? Some potting soil, gardening gloves, Pringles, toothpaste, and vitamins. This endcap's story: I want to garden but I'm hungry for pringles and need to brush my teeth and take my vitamins. Good story, right?

Another! One bottle of Jergens, a row of pencils, Hawaiian Punch, and looseleaf paper. The story: A kid wants to right his mom in jail. He's thirsty. She's in jail for stealing a bottle of Jergens.

My point is, if you havent noticed, is that we could make any old endcap we wanted because you can make a story out of anything. So fuck you Matt, Mr Regional Manager.

I have poison ivy on my right hand. It is hard to contain and seems to be spreading down my arm. Thanks poison ivy, real cool.

How about garbage bags, brownie mix, blank cassette tapes, and hair ties? You think of that one.

Reading Lolita and I like it. Today is an anniversary of sorts for Em and I. I'll give you two hints.





I should have gone into Graphic Design.

Just a little worried. Thinking about the footage we have, hoping it doesn't suck and hoping we can film the rest.

I have not been at CVS for the past three days. I do work tomorrow through Sunday, but I will survive, like Tony Clifton.

Going to the library, maybe Ikea, who knows. Watched Rope last night and Can't Hardly Wait. Somehow I stayed up. I like both of these movies. And for the same reason: they are both about parties gone wrong.

And Seth Green.

There's a groundhog walking around out there like he owns the place. I thought it was a cat at first. I do not like groundhogs.

Watched the second tape of "Magnolia" this morning. That's an amazing movie. If I had more time I would post something about it on the movie blog.

I feel pretty out of sorts today. Like I felt yesterday and I think the day before. It's one of those weeks I guess. Until I find another job or get my life straightened out, it will probably be an 'out-of-sorts' kind-of life for me. We already know its melodramatic. By the way, what's the difference between melodramatic and dramatic? Not much I think.

I had a good dream. But also very bad, if you know what I mean.

I hope everyone has a good day. I mean everyone in the world.

Oh and Andrew Bird played a free show last night which was amazing. And Lava Lounge was a problem at first but was ok after. OK, not great. Brad is a really good DJ though. That I did enjoy.

I have to go.

Don't go breakin' my heart.

woo-hoo, nobody loves you.

Help me get that song out of my head!

Enough about songs. Tonight was very productive. I made another, yes another, blog. Go and see!!!

I so badly need to go to sleep. But I don't work tomorrow *hi-five*, so who cares, so what?

woo-hoo...

I missed Mason Jennings, and I don't care, not one bit, don't you ever even think it.

I will see Andrew Bird. Don't quote me on that. Quote me on this.

woo-hoo...

self-esoteric meanderings

Going to see The You. Hope they play Bad Person. Doing truck tomorrow at 5 am. Maybe this isn't so great an idea. But I'm doing it.

Some folks are watching "Singin in the Rain." Got a postcard from MikeBalls today. Some broad on the front of the card. I was like, "Dude, no way."

There's this Paul Simon song that always gets played in CVS with the line, "Stang guard like a post card of a Golden Retreiver." I always cringe.

I guess he wrote the line 'like a golden retreiver' and said to himself, "Paul," or "Simon," or "PS, you're not really a golden retreiver though." So he made it 'like a post card of a golden retreiver.' And he thought to himself, 'now that's tongue-in-cheek.'

If you know what I'm talking about, congratulations. For those about to understand me I salute you.